Life is unpredictable

I wasn't sure about whether to write about this at all... but somehow it just seems to be right to do so. I am not usually comfortable with letting people know deeply personal things. It seems so melodramatic to state "I have got cancer." There are many, far too many people that get cancer every day. Also I have so many wonderful people inquiring about my progress but there is not always enough time nor the energy to respond to each one of them. This way they can all read about it for themselves. I love talking and blogging is sort of a bit like talking! So if they don't want so much detail then they can gloss over the boring or unpleasant information without worrying about offending me. Aside that most people are just busy with their own lives anyway and don't want to be dragged down.

I have been suffering with a blocked nose for months now, which was nothing new as I suffer from hayfever a lot, but then one day I noticed that one side of my nose is continually blocked. I also started to get a lot of nosebleeds, a first just a few times a week but then soon, it was almost daily with sometimes several in the one day. After 6 months or so of continual blockage, I decided to see my GP. After a course of antibiotics that didn't clear it up, he referred me to an ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat specialist.) Even fast tracking it, I still had to wait more than a month for my first appointment.

To cut it short, I had a large polyp blocking my right nostril. I needed to have an MRI scan to see the extent of the polyp prior to having it surgically removed. Herein lies my first problem. I am partially deaf and have a cochlear implant. An MRI will be a painful procedure, so I am scheduled for a CT scan. Unfortunately this gave insufficient information and an MRI was unavoidable, which is normally a painfree procedure. However I have a cochlear & that changes the whole story.  I wrote about that painful experience here.

Within a short time, I had the polyp surgically removed and a biopsy was automatically performed, Most nasal polyps are benign. I was back home within 24 hours. It is normally just a day surgery but I was one of the last on the surgery list for the day so they decided it best to keep me overnight. The recovery was much less painful than I expected. I did have the stronger Panadene Forte for the first 48 hours and then just reverted to paracetamol for pain management, which was more than sufficient. I just have the general fatigue that follows general anesthetics.

Life doesn't always follow the tracks and some cancer was discovered within the polyp and now further testing and scans were needed to find the extent. A PET scan shows that the cancer hasn't spread beyond my nose. My ENT refers my case to the Oncology department of the major teaching hospital for early the following day.

All I really remember hearing & understanding is:

I definitely have cancer.
We need to operate
I will need to have radiation.

There was something mentioned about further biopsies needed first to find the extent of the cancer. And the concern that if it has reached the base of the brain that removal could cause spinal fluid leakage, for which they need to arrange to have special equipment (or people) on  hand in case of that scenario.

I have taken much of this news quite calmly and philosophically. My next thoughts is "Bugger, that stuffs up everyone's Christmas this year!" (Everyone within my immediate family that is!)

It's been not quite 48 hours yet. Maybe it hasn’t set in completely yet. I am not the worrying kind. Basically I just take things as they come. My mother's motto comes to mind, which is a line from a song she learnt from the Salvation Army, "Just one day at a time". I’m not scared nor worried. I know it will all work out how it’s supposed to. It’s much easier to hand everything over to God. He has said it before to me and he says it again now - just 2 little words that have had such a huge impact on my life.  Those 2 little words?

Trust me!

I hang on to them once again with utmost confidence that He will not let me go. I may not know what tomorrow will bring, but He will be there and that is all that really matters. I might need to read this again and again over the next few weeks and months and remind myself of this basic truth! So remind me if I forget even for a brief moment, that God is with me. (And with you too if you will just let him into your life too!)

Post Script:

I go ahead to have surgery next week. They will excise the area surrounding the back of the nose including removing the posterior part of the septum. This is to to be followed by radiation soon after. No mention has been made of Chemotherapy at this stage.

We can only live one day at a time and I hope that if God has a specific purpose for me that I can recognize it and accept his leading. It is times like that that reminds us to make the most of what we have. Michelle